The Blessing of Uncertainty

I don't know. These three words freed me from a self-imposed prison of cleverness. I don't know allowed me to find humility and liberation.

I used to have the reasons, explanations, and solutions to most problems. When asked a question, I usually knew the answer, but if I didn't I kept quiet about it. It all began when I was a child.

I used to feel proud of the ability to be a good student. In school I almost always knew the answer the teacher wanted when she asked a question. Even though I was shy and didn't raise my hand to answer very often, there was a feeling of satisfaction when another student verbalized the answer I was saying to myself. This continued all the way through college. I rarely had to admit that I don't know.

Consequently, as an adult, I was under the impression that I had to know the answer to whatever topic was being discussed and especially about life's problems. I've known other bright people who also carry this burden of needing to have an answer. It seems that our ego is wrapped up in knowing. We feel deficient if we can't be an authority on a topic. We have the false belief that smart people have answers to all problems and if we don't have an answer, we must not be that smart. If I ranked myself among the smart ones, then I too must have answers. I had not developed the skill of not knowing. I had not learned to admit to myself or anyone else that I don't know the answer.

It's in the last decade that I have felt the freedom to admit that there are many, many things that I don't know. As a matter of fact, I don't know most things. Instead of frantically searching for an answer that sounds plausible, I now simply say "Hmmm, I don't know." It doesn't mean I am not interested or don't want to know. It simply means I don't have the answer. Usually I find myself googling the topic out of curiosity, but those three words I don't know free me from the pressure of having to answer a question I really don't know enough about to have an opinion or a solution.

The more I learn and the older I get, the more I see that I really don't know or understand much about life. I don't know the answers to the most important questions. Why am I here? Who am I? Where do we go when we leave this life?

It's okay that I don't know the answers to life's biggest questions. It's freeing to not have to know. It allows me to look at the world with curiosity. I can awaken each morning with a child-like wonder about the world and think, "I wonder what I'll learn about life today?"