Shenpa - Triggers that Close the Heart

I've been reading a book by Pema Chodron in which she speaks of those twinges that we feel when someone gives us a certain look or says a certain word that makes our bile rise. She calls them by the Tibetan word "shenpa" which means attachment. It might also be called "getting hooked." Shenpa occurs when there's a stimulus that triggers something from our past that was negative and we have not let it go. It is like a thorn that we have not yet removed. We are still carrying the hurt or anger we felt when it first happened. We are unaware that we're carrying it until that specific word or action is repeated, and then it all comes flooding back. Often, the person who has triggered it had no intention of upsetting us.

In my own case, my shenpa rises to the bait when I feel that my independence is being threatened. I can feel my stomach and throat tighten when someone tries to help me without asking me first if I want or need help. I know the person is only trying to be kind, but my shenpa has been triggered. I want to bluntly say, I can do it myself! and then proceed to show them that I don't need their help. Because I know that this is just a reaction from the past, I have to give the feeling a few seconds to recede, and then I can accept the other person's offer or decline politely.

When beginning to work with one's own shenpa, it is often easier to see someone else's shenpa first. It might be a tightening of the jaw, a narrowing of the eyes, a pulling back, or a sudden silence. Because of something you said or did, they are no longer open to you and your ideas. You may or may not know what it was that triggered their aversion, but it is best to leave it alone. You are working on recognizing and calming the shenpa that arises in you, not them.

Try watching your own reactions when you interact with others. Is there a certain word, facial expression, or tone of voice that opens an old wound? You don't have to understand the origin of the wound. Just know that it is there, and that it doesn't have to be strengthened by feeding it with your habitual reaction. Instead, allow the feeling to be there with you as its witness. It will soon evaporate, and you can carry on with an open heart!